I sat on the couch a couple weeks ago feeling a bit sorry for myself with a individual serving size cup of Friendly’s Reese’s Piece Sundae in my hands and blankly stared at the computer screen where Hugh Laurie was solving yet another impossible medical dilemma. It was raining outside and although I intended on going to the gym that evening, somehow that amazing peanut butter sauce seduced me into staying home. Some people choose alcohol to rid them of all their woes but me? I choose sweets. Or maybe sweets have chosen me?
As I sat there letting House scare me into having some completely unexpected health issue come up I thought about my upcoming trip to Asia and how I wanted to “get in shape” for it. Yeah I’m one of those people who never really get OUT of shape but also never fully get into it either. But I like to think that using a yoga ball as an office chair while wearing workout clothes at least gives me a few brownie points. Or Reese’s piece sundae points?
I decided that, once and for all, I wanted to spend these next 8 weeks leading up to Asia to really bust my butt at the gym. I signed up for a kickboxing, Zumba and spin class at my gym and I was ready to get all toned and in shape.. [insert “Eye of the tiger” oundtrack] Until I showed up to Kickboxing on Day 1 and realized how absolutely uncoordinated I looked. No, seriously, it was so embarrassing. All the other ladies were all “hi-ya” and “bam”ing with their arms and legs in perfect form and I looked more like an Oompaloompa playin “Just Dance” for the first time. It was that bad. So I decided that to motivate myself more I would go buy a new workout outfit. Because shopping, obviously, fixes everything. And if all else failed in the next class, at least I would still look cute. Which, clearly, everyone else would notice.
Until the next class happened. It was a spin class. I walked into it, water bottle in hand, with a smile on my face sporting my uber cute brand new white tank top and athletic shorts. So cute, in fact, that miss Maria Sharapova herself would have been jealous. I made my way to the front of the class because…well….I was homeschooled most of my life and never got the chance to sit in class so now when I go to any class of any kind I always sit right up front. I chalk it up to making up for lost time at the head of the class. Don’t hate. My [super handsome and muscular] instructor came over to help me adjust my bike, I hopped on and was ready to go. Until he went to the back of the room and turned out all the lights. Wait, what? This class is in the dark? And then it happened. The unthinkable. He turned on the black lights. BLACK LIGHTS, PEOPLE!!! Who works out in a dark room with only black lights on??? And me? I was at the FRONT OF THE CLASS WEARING WHITE!!!! Everyone else obviously got the memo because they were wearing black! Oh, dear internet, I hope you are pitying me right now. Honestly speaking, it wasn’t as bad as I am making it sound….it was worse!!!! Here I was, front of the class, glowing like a freakin neon purple glow stick. The ONLY one in the room who could be seen. I die. And I die again. It was that bad. The only chance I stood at not looking like a fool was biking so hard that I sweat to the point where my white outfit turned a darker shade of neon purple. But even that was hopeless.
I have absolutely no point to this post except to give you a small laugh at my expense. And maybe to, once and for all state the fact that when the gym fails you (as it often does!), staying at home with a Reese’s Piece’s Sundae will never, ever fail you.
And no, this post does NOT come with a picture. Nice try…